Read their limerence stories below:
I feel like I'm losing my mind... I cry all the time
Male aged 36 USA
"I feel like I'm losing my mind.. my LO ""broke up"" with me about 3 months ago. We had an intense physical and emotional affair. We are both married with children and used to work together and no longer do. I moved on to another job. I was semi-happy when she dumped me because the double life was hard, lots of sneaking around but I would have left my family for her is she asked for it. We talked many times about being together but came to realize it was impossible.
I need this feeling to end. I am a mess, I cry all the time.. I want to be over her so bad but can't. i feel like I broke myself and now don't know how to fix me. I think about her every minutes of the day.. I feel bad for my wife and kids. Why can't I just move on.. I have fleeting moments where I feel better and hops its the start of recovering and then 10 minutes later I'm crying because I miss her so much. I read this can last 3 years on average.. I can't bear another day of this. I am in hell.
I want to forget he ever existed, really I do.
Female - aged 25 - 36 England
Well I'm still very much in limerence :( I am using anger at the moment to help me. I have just looked at his FB page and looked through some old msgs he sent to his wife.....he actually calls me some of the same nicknames!! It's laughable!
I feel totally and utterly stupid, used, ashamed and embarrassed that I have allowed myself to be sucked in by him. He told me he loved me when we hadn't even admitted we had feelings for one another and them boom he loves me. This obviously made me feel high that he felt the same way.
Roll on a few months of emails, phonecalls, Skype, pictures, videos (I know it's bad) and we met in secret (we're both married) and shared our first kiss. Since that kiss, a week of contract every single day (totally bliss for us both) and now two weeks of very sparse contact (from his side).
This is driving me insane. I'm very stubborn though and won't be contacting him until he contacts me first despite the fact that I compile several emails a day ready to send and then hit cancel. I know for me that no contract helps. I've been in limerence before and the no contact is hard but it works but I've tried to end it with this one but when I did he asked if we could remain friends as some contact is better than none at all in his mind.
This obviously annoyed me because then I began questioning why he would want to be friends if he had the same feelings as me? I certainly couldn't forget these feelings to just revert to being friends-I'd rather have nothing at all. I am literally going through a breakup in my head and heart right now only for me to wibble again and return to floating on air as soon as he decides to make contact.
I feel that I'm only around to massage his ego when things aren't going well with his wife. When she's paying him attention, I'm discarded. See, I know exactly what's going on and that I'm a fool but I'll still crumble when he contacts me again and forget about how rubbish he's made me feel these past two weeks and forgive him.
NOTHING else mattered.
Male - aged 36 America
“Once I became obsessed with my "lover", my Limerent Object (LO), and there was full reciprocation of my feelings with my "lover" at every level, emotionally and sexually, NOTHING else mattered. My wife, my family, my job no longer mattered. I was completely taken over by the intensely strong desire (need is now a better description) to be with my "lover" as much as possible.
I had literally moved into another world; an all-consuming affective state where my need-driven behaviours were the acting out of a script, which made no sense to me, or anyone else at the time. But it felt “right”, authentic, deeply personal, and profoundly necessary.
As I became totally consumed by this limerent based affective state, I found myself in a state of mind where I quickly “dissociated” and disengaged myself from my marriage, its obligations and responsibilities, from my deep paternal feelings for my children and from the professional expectations and duties of my job. I had literally lost control. I was in a “totally dissociative state”. My need-driven limerent behaviour totally consumed my life….and I walked out of my marriage, walked out on my children and walked out of my job!
The only reason this happen was because I was walking limerently into my "lover's" presence. The intensity of the underlying unresolved issues of my early life were finding expression in contemporary limerent behaviours, which were at odds with who I had been up to that time: a devoted husband, a loving father and a highly competent professional person who had acted with total integrity at every level of his life!
Suddenly and unexpectedly I was locked into an affective state which totally ruled and almost ruined my entire life. This was limerence meltdown!
My ‘significant other/s’ were on the other side of all of this. The all-consuming feelings to be with my "lover", resulted in me experiencing a “numbness” and emotional disengagement and detachment from the normal everyday feelings I had had with my family and colleagues over many years.”
In some ways that longing feeling was never fulfilled.Female - aged 33 years from England
" I had this limerence with a long time married friend. I was in an unhappy marriage and felt that this man was my everything. Although he decided to stay in his marriage for the sake of his children I think about him all the time.
The intensity of the limerence is subsiding( I haven't seen him in a year) but I often feel that this sort of emotional connection will never leave. I also feel that he feels the same way. We spoke about limerence when we were seeing each other. It's is probably more heightened by the fact that it is a love which will never be. He has decided to stay married.
In some ways that longing feeling was never fulfilled. Perhaps that is what makes it even more intense. "
I can't get him out of my head for a minute.
Female - aged 47 years from Australia
" I hate it. I'm completely attracted to a person with whom a relationship would never work. I try to wash my thoughts of him out of my mind every minute of the day. I don't see him very often but I'm constantly unconsciously looking for him.
I anticipate every conversation that I might have with him and try to prepare any responses I might have to him. When he's in the room I'm completely aware of where he is and what he's doing. I can't get him out of my head for a minute. I have to purposefully avoid him however possible - because any contact whatsoever sends my mind spinning for days.
I'm married to the 'perfect husband', and I feel guilty about my secret attraction for this other man. It's been going on for 2 years now. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. "
I didn't feel anything until he took an interest in me
Female - aged 55 years
" I discovered the word "limerence" a long time ago when trying to figure out why I felt all of the highs and lows associated with a passionate "feeling" about a guy I met. Oddly enough, I didn't feel anything until he took an interest in me and we had known each other for several months. I had just transferred to my third college and was entering my junior year. This relationship set me back from graduation about two years and I still can't figure out why him and not any of the other men I dated in all of the past 3 years of my college career.
I can only assume that something chemical took place between us that I didn't feel with any of the others and it put me out of control of my life. I am normally a very focused person and this was one of two times in my life when I lost focus and control. Presently, I am in another limerence situation (30 years later) and I am recognizing it for what it is. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with the emotional roller-coaster I'm on.
Guess limerence isn't age discriminatory! Whatever it is that makes our libidos soar and our brains mush should be analyzed and an antidote discovered. I'd buy it!!!. "
My whole body felt possessed.
Male 33 years from Russia
"The feelings of longing became so intense, that I just thought about her all the time. These were not just ordinary thoughts, like thinking about my friends. These were "super-charged" thoughts, loaded with intense feelings which were so strong my whole body felt possessed. There was a sense of heart-ache as my body longed to satisfy the intensity of the love-feeling I was experiencing.
The obsessive thoughts were based on the heightened awareness I was experiencing throughout my body.It felt like my whole body was thinking about her. Not just my mind but every nerve cell in my body.
I was totally saturated and overwhelmed by her. I lived in a state of total distraction from which there was no escape, except into her arms."
I can't go two minutes without thinking about him
Female 38 years from America
I've been very limerent about a co-worker for nearly two years now. I've evaluated it for a long time and we would be completely incompatible and he would probably make a lousy boyfriend/husband because he's not very communicative.
It started one day in his office. I've seen him around for several years but because he's not the communicative type I never bothered to talk to him - I have a feeling if I did then he probably would have just grunted or something or stared at me and walked away. I guess he's somewhat the strong silent type - but he's small in stature.
We were forced to work together and he was in charge, we spent a little time getting to know each other and suddenly I realized his eyes were an intense sky blue and I was determined to not look away when speaking with him - we locked eyes and that's when things cut loose. The full effects of limerance started, the room seemed to get brighter, I felt a floaty type of feeling, it was extremely intense.
If I had known then what I know now I would have gotten up and walked away. How could I know that that instant something had started that would torture me for so long. I can't go two minutes without thinking about him.
I've never been this way about anybody. I don't want to be this way about him. I become furious with myself because I can't make it stop - I have no control over it. I know I don't want to have anything to do with that man but I can't stop my thoughts about him. Since that eyes locked moment two years ago - we've interacted and I tried hard to keep my feet on the ground. He has made comments and his actions suggested that the feelings were reciprocal (I know I didn't imagine this). I actually wish he didn't - because then I could continue thinking that it was all only in my head.
This has been torture, because I'm already married to the perfect husband to whom I've never really had limerent feelings for.
What could be bad about a thing like that?
Female from Canada
My life has been massively improved by my being in the state of limerence. It is, in my case, quite mutual and quite intense on both sides. It has improved my mood and my ability to deal with the sometimes difficult ups and downs of life much better.
I do feel like I'm walking on air much of the time and I, most often, have a big smile on my face. I also feel immensely rejuvenated and there is a spring in my step.
What could be bad about a thing like that?
I madly fell "in love" with a married women
Male 45 years from America
I madly fell "in love" with a married women who I had known for sometime, but had not been attracted to her for years. It all happened so suddenly, unexpectedly, obsessively and totally beyond my ability to control the feelings and infatuations that developed. "Divine madness" is the only way this experience could be described.
I was a very committed married man at the time, who had never been involved at any 'attraction' level with any women. In fact, even though there were many women around me professionally, I never fantasized about any of them nor had any desire to be involved with them at any personal or sexual level.
I think the "barriers" I put up were not so much ethical or moral, but, as I now realise, were general insecurities about my own attractiveness and my belief that no woman would be interested in me. Also I had come from a deeply religious family, where 'affairs' were what other people did, and were not part of my family's tradition. Boy did I change that!
The rest of the world becomes irrelevant
Male 52 years from England
I first met Deidre at a cafe with some friends. I was was with my wife and we met regularly to share in conversation and enjoy our friends' company. Deidre just "stood out". She was quiet, unassuming and a little mysterious. She had gorgeous black hair and beautiful haunting green eyes. Her face had a classical beauty about it, but it was those eyes that drew me into her soul. Deep into her soul!
I had a brief conversation over the meal with her and became memorized by her looks and wistful nature which seemed full of longing and unfulfilled desire. I found her intriguing, so much so that I rang a mutual friend to get her phone number. .
I arranged to meet with her to discuss "business matters" as she worked in the same industry as myself. She was recently separated and living by herself. She knew I was a married man, but that made no difference to either of us.
When infatuation is mutual, and attraction between two people is strong, all the rules are too easily broken and the rest of the world becomes irrelevant.
Deidre loved talking with me and our conversation flowed so easily that we were soon touching and holding each other's hands in a soft and sensuous delightfulness.
Everything changed in that moment! I was catapulted into an obsessiveness which consumed my whole life and altered my every behaviour and perceptions. I was well and truly hooked, but unfortunately, not for the first time. This madness had invaded my life before and once again I was out of control, beyond help and a victim of an unceasing relentlessness to have my love addiction met.
The desire to be with my 'beloved' totally consumed me. Nothing, and I mean nothing else mattered!
I have experience this state of limerence many times. But not all of my best relationships are based on limerence. Some of them don't have "the buzz", but when we both share the infatuation and intensity of feelings, wow, do sparks fly!!ReplyDelete
Keep this blog going....I will certainly tell my stories soon.
Hey, I'm limerent and I'm interested in gathering some data on other limerent people out of personal curiosity over this phenomena, so I'd really appreciate it if any limerent people would take this quick survey I've made! Thanks :) https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/YF95YZVReplyDelete
I had never expected that out of the blue I would feel obsessive about one of my women colleagues. She is happily married with kids as old as 10 years.That I felt I had a special link, that time spent away from her was time wasted. I also loved and valued my family, did not want to hurt them, did not want to “upset the boat” .I was struggling with both the overwhelming love and need for this other woman (LO) and the inability to think about the consequences. My rational mind knew I was being a “fool” but I also knew that LO was my soul mate, they were meant to be, LO was truly my significant other. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, I didn’t want to stop. Everything reminded me of our unique bond As time went on I frequently wept to lessen my emotional pain.I had gotten to the point where I was desperate to move on and get back to being what I call “normal” again, to feel on an even level and not on an insane roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts. In my case, the humiliation I felt when I overheard some nasty comments from LO, and my sudden fear my behavior was making me notorious and a butt for unflattering jokes were helpful in supporting my desire to be free of LO and limerence. In fact, I felt deeply ashamed, appalled at what I might have done and might have gone on to do, desperate to escape from the whole situation, and very afraid that my family and friends might have gotten an idea of what went on. Actually, very little had gone on in one sense. I had smartened up, taken to spending more time in Whatsapp as LO seemed to be there more frequently.I had started sending messages to her through Wapp.I described how beautiful and glamorous she was, and how I have never felt anything like this before.The girl was seeming to like these things.I was in euphoric stage for quite few days.Life's major problems did not matter for me at all during those seven days .In fact they were pushed to the back ground.I had a new found energy within me.Only her and thoughts about her preoccupied my whole being.I was in the cloud nine- the walking in the air stage.The otherwise recluse LO Began to send me letter, sometimes praising my English and sometimes praising my pranks and lively jokes.I thought the limerence was mutual.She visited my room frequently .Then what happened - Then the girl begun avoiding me like a leper.I was now alternating between seeming paralyzed with fear and being hysterically afraid of being exposed, all the time with the limerent thoughts darting in like arrows of fire to sear my being with false hopes. Slowly,I tried to regain my emotional composure. I made myself avoid places and situations where LO was likely to be, and while this seemed impossible initially, it did, over many months, become easier. Still not fully recovered yet.I couldn’t believe what I had experienced. I felt humiliated, felt deeply bereaved and angry that she had not been the soul mate I had believed. I had tried to bargain with a god in whom I did not believe that LO and me could become true friends, with no limerence. Then I felt apathetic: what was the point of working, talking, being alive when I had lost the most significant person in my life? I struggled for a year and half ?Then I felt I am beginning to get relief.That relief does not last, but it returns and as time went on, the relief lasted longer and occurred more frequently. Two years on from our first meeting, I seem to back to being in balance with my world—family, work and leisure. But problem still persists.I get mad if I don't see her for once in 2 or 3 days.Though I am recovering,I see my LO- still not ex-LO -as the embers of a small fire, just enough warmth left to give an occasional tiny bit of discomfort, and even this will probably fade more with time. I see myself as “older, a bit wiser, a lot more aware and careful”, but also not totally regretting the amazing emotional highs and inspiration I have experienced.ReplyDelete