Looking for Love - overcoming childhood trauma - a pathway of limerence
A reader's experience
Age:36 - 45
Around third grade I began to experience "crushes" on boys.
I fantasized about them saving me, protecting me, even weeping for me as I lay dying. I remember thinking my boy crushes would love me; that they would complete me, and finally I would feel the love I had always wanted.
I know now that I didn't feel loved or wanted as a child. I don't have memories of my mother comforting me. She didn't hug me or hold my hand.
I do remember the violence in my home - my father was unpredictable and would lash out, often beating us violently. I remember passing out and waking up to find him still beating me.
They told me that I belonged in the family and that therefore I was loved, that I should be grateful for being housed and fed and that meant love, but I don't believe I experienced or felt love.
I often turned to teachers (usually male but sometimes female) to fill the void of a positive adult figure. If anyone gave me the slightest nod of positive attention, I worshiped him or her and soon after, the fantasies would start. I imagined I was the most important person to them. That they would do anything for me. That I meant so much to them.
These limerence fantasies ended for me after I sought therapy for trauma recovery, and after I cut ties with my parents completely. Through therapy, I also uncovered memories of sexual abuse by my father, in addition to the traumatic memories of physical violence. I began to understand the emotional and mental abuse I had gone through, as well, and that my upbringing was not healthy and positive.
I used to feel badly and wonder if something was wrong with me - my nature - for the obsessive crushes, especially as I got older and I began to act upon them by calling my crush, reading into his words too deeply, stalking him on the Internet.
I forgive myself for these behaviors now; I know they stemmed from the lack of attachment in my childhood, and from the trauma of abuse.
I'm so glad I finally went to therapy.
What is love? To experience full blown romantic love is perhaps the most exhilarating, ecstatic and euphoric experience we could possibly have. It is so captivating, so powerful and so enticing that we are simply compelled headlong into the most delightful, delirious and disturbing emotions imaginable. The wounds of romantic love are as intense as its blissfulness. It can be truly an experience of agony and ecstasy, and invariably is!
The dynamics of romantic love - what makes it work
Romantic love is universal
Friday, December 16, 2016
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)